confident, happy,
satisfied.
i glance into the mirror.
expecting to see the
pristine fascade
i call "christianity."
horrified, i see it
isn't there.
ugly
rancid
putrifying
sin
glares back from
my reflection.
it slices at my pride
to see such
rottenness
in my bones.
how many people
have noticed it
before me?
what will
they think?
a piercing thought.
cripples my spirit.
i have failed my God.
again.
same sin.
always
the same sin.
and i don't even care.
my first thought is
my "christianity,"
my "testimony"
my self
not, my Christ
Father, forgive.
but don't stop there
break that Thou mightest bind
cleanse that i might heal
purge me.
however painful,
destroy
this
flesh.
i walk away from
the mirror.
the world goes on.
i am small.
weak.
scared.
but forgiven
and cleansed!
sharper focus
cleaner air
bluer sky
a purpose in life
once again.
"Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love: one holy passion filling all my frame. The baptism of the heav'n descended dove. My heart and altar and
Thy love the flame."