I think probably a lot of women who say these things mean essentially that for a married woman, the pursuit is primarily homemaking; and sacrifice is about that pursuit. In my own experience this holds true; I realize again and again that the commands of Scripture about my duties come to me first as a Christian wife. To sacrifice this to pursue something more 'fundamental' to my Christianity or myself is to lose my creative place, to lose myself, to misstep in the dance.

However I think that can be an excuse for unfaithfulness in other ways. My ambition with regard to writing has dwindled merely to being faithful to a desire (I don't even know if I have the knack for communication); still it requires blood sweat and tears to write a little every day which it would be easy to forego under some pious excuse of being a better wife. If it were a real choice between being a good wife and 'a good steward' in this area, certainly the relationship would win out hands down as being more fundamental to the commands of love. & for me it does daily affect when and how long etc. I can try to write. For we have being, like the Trinity, in relation -- to shelve relationships (obviously I'm speaking of those which we are obligated to by God's word: I'm not a very social person and haven't learned that balance yet honestly) and grasp at life in a 'higher' and more individual way is simply to misunderstand one's own individuality, or the high art of love. The cross isn't beautiful; it was an ugly instrument of torture; and it is the cross that must define the place and the nature of beauty.

But I don't find that one has to lay aside every personal enjoyment or pursuit in order to be a good homemaker (indeed only an individual can be in a relation), or that many homemakers -- who enjoy sewing, candlemaking, scrapbooking, or even relieving the needs of the poor etc and don't randomly 'sacrifice' these enjoyments or ambitions for a better world actually believe that. It's pa pretty unexamined position, as stated, to preach, and ironically the freeing thing about the kernel of truth of it all is that you don't have to please such people. You only have to please the person probably most appreciative of your uniqueness and most easily pleased with you on earth - your own husband. It's quite freeing, actually.

How true about pursuing sacrifice for its own sake. That would be a pursuit of the negative, and would hold no joy or redeeming end.

Have you read Lewis on Christianity and Art? There are a huge number of essays, but a book specifically on religion if I remember correctly with some great conclusions. I think you would find him very satisfying. He neglects to preach as he doesn't feel qualified for the work of feeding God's people from His word, but he was certainly an expert in his own field.

Sorry for the lengthy comment but this is something I have thought and -- been guilted-- given up, re-taken up, painfully retracted, and so on much about in the last seven and a half years. I understand what you're expressing here, and why....

PS. Just recalled this verse, that sums up what you said about Christ: who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame.

Judging by the e-mails and comments I've gotten, perhaps I should have clarified a few things in my post. I am very sorry for the lack of clarity.

1. I'm not considering (or advocating) pursuing something to the neglect of God-given duties. (For a woman, this most obviously means that she must take delight in helping her husband and children. But, as Heidi pointed out, it is HER husband. The one who loves her for who she is, including her God-given desires.)
2. Nor am I promoting ambition which can rightly be labeled selfish or self-aggrandizing. The pursuit to which I am referring, as I hoped to make clear by my citing the example of Christ, is one that is a pursuit of Christ, one that is for the service of others.
3. And I do realize that suffering is inherent in a fallen world. The suffering/sacrifice to which I refer is the natural friction that will arise when in pursuit of a goal. You can quite handily eliminate that friction by not going anywhere.

Thank you for your thoughts and refinements, particularly, Heidi, your thoughts on serving your own husband and no one else's--it's something freeing indeed, to realize that there is no such thing as generic wifehood, just as there is no such thing as generic manhood. I'm called to cherish and support THIS man in his unique pursuits.

Dear Daughter

I love you and Ben and little Milton and am very proud of the life you are making for yourselves. You are precious in my sight and I often think and pray for you. Recently I have been become more acutely aware that my own life is but a vapor and soon I will have to give an account to my Lord for what I have done with the gifts and talents he has given me. I often sit in silent fear for some minutes before my Lord knowing knowing one day soon my life will end and then I will have to give an account. What have I done to please Him? Have I wasted my life? Did I do what He wanted? Will He be ashamed of me? My failings are too many to count and I have wasted so much time. Any argument I might raise to justify myself would just be an excuse. My own words would be used against me. Like Job, I put my hand over my mouth. I have nothing I can say to Him. Knowing that I will have to give an account to Him has made me realize that there is nothing more important than living a life that pleases the Lord. Some may criticize me for thinking this way; however, the realization that I will have to give an accounting to my maker I believe is at the very heart of what it means to “fear the Lord” and it is a healthy thing. I can say with certainty it has helped me to keep my priorities straight, my tongue in check and made me realize that in the end faithfully doing his will with a glad heart will trump everything else. I have come to the obvious realization that my life is short, too short to be wasted on things or pursuits that don't please the Lord. I wish I had fully appreciated this when I was your age but I guess it comes with age. When I was young, I knew in my head that life would end but I didn't think about my life ending one day. I lived as most young people do as though there would be no end and that was a mistake. I wish I could give you some specific advice on what to do. It is obvious you are anxious to do pursue something. The only advice I can give is very simple advice and that is don't repeat my mistake of not fully realizing that this life is short. I will be gone before you know it. This advice, by itself, would lead you to hurry about life to accomplish everything the heart desires; however, add to it the fact that you will have to give an account to your Lord for what you accomplished for His glory, then it is brought into balance. In light of this, ask the Lord to show you what would please Him. Make it your aim and desire to please Him and to be pleasing to Him. Life is too short to do anything else. Man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble. He comes out like a flower and withers; he flees like a shadow and continues not (Job 14:1,2). All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever (Is. 40:6-8). Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away (James 4:14). So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom (Ps. 90:12).

I Love You
Your Dad

How one interprets the verse, "If any man come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me", will influence one's perception
of suffering and self-denial.

I do believe we are not to be "me-centered", but "Christ-centered" and "others-centered", which in and of itself necessitates sacrifice. Sacrifice is not always suffering. The soul that has been sacrificing much will find it easier as time goes on. That's not to say we should be self-made martyrs, as some are. "Oh, LOOK at how much I give up for others! It's my lot in life!" That attitude is still
prideful.

It is difficult to compare our ambitions & sacrifice to those of Christ. My ambitions involve glory, accomplishment, and accolades. Christ's
ambitions (pursuit, if you will), by their very nature were tied to self-denial, sacrifice, and suffering. He could not achieve His goal of
redeeming mankind without sacrifice and suffering, so from that standpoint he DID come to suffer. Our suffering is from denying some of our pursuits
(in their fullest extent that we desire), while His suffering was *because of and necessary to *His pursuits.

One can view *any* situation in life as suffering, due to our insatiable quest for "something more". C.S. Lewis aptly stated that he will always
find a longing in him that nothing in this world will satisfy, and that's because he was not made for this world. We will always think that there's
got to be more to life than mothering, than working, than church ministry, than having a career, etc., because we were made for an eternal relationship with our Creator. Brittany Spears sure "had it all" at an early age, but she lacked the one thing that would give purpose in life: a relationship with Christ. I believe we need to focus on BEING, rather than DOING.

I mean we need to focus on our relationship with Christ & Christ-likeness instead of what accomplishments we can achieve before we die. When we focus on Christ-likeness, then the other things (accomplishments) are added to us. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these other things will be added to you."

If our goals/ ambitions are godly ones, such as to make a difference in the lives of others, then what better way than to seek the kingdom first, and let Him use us in His time and according to His will? If I pursue even godly goals in my own flesh, I will reap corruption.

I pray you will have joy in all your questioning and searching and "stay-at-home-ness". What you have is good. It's not drudgery or punishment, but a reward. "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward." Ps. 127:3 Yes, there may be "more" for you, too, but that's not to say that what you have is somehow not enough or that something else is to be more desired.

Many women admire Nancy Leigh DeMoss (and her writing & speaking career). We look at women like that and think how COOL it would be to be like her. What I noticed most about her when I met her was the inner longing and the struggle with her singleness. Even in the world, there is the struggle over career vs. relationships. The founder of NOW (National Organization of
Women) was very instrumental in kick-starting the women's liberation movement. She said she was destined for more than the slavery of being a
homemaker. She left her husband and children. YEARS later, after her lengthy career as a speaker & activist, she drove back by the old house she
used to share with her husband and children and realized that she had probably made a mistake. As she looked at that house, she then remembered
all the *good times and laughter* that had gone on in that house and thought it would have been better if she had stayed with her family. I suppose it's easier to come to that conclusion as one is older and facing the final years without family nearby. The story really struck me when I heard it. At the time, I was struggling and thinking I could not go on. I deserved more. I deserved BETTER. The Lord used this story to humble me and to place less emphasis on the importance of my own happiness. It
wasn't until I gave up the "idol" of personal happiness that He was able to truly bring happiness into my home and my life.

So, no, I don't regret giving up so much to stay at home. It has not always been easy, and it is still not always easy. However, I can't help but
wonder what would have been the outcome of my children's lives if I had not been at home. I already see the huge difference in my children's lives when I go through a health crisis. When that happens, I am no longer "there" for my kids to the same degree, and they struggle spiritually.

I speak as a man. I have no divine revelation. I am not an eloquent writer. However, I've lived with this same struggle for many years. "Gift vs. Responsibility" and "Personal Ambition vs. Christian Duty." I am an artist with a gift and know that the principle applies that "to whom much is given, much shall be required."

Consider: A gift from God is to be used. While "duties never conflict," I've often wondered if they could overlap. It seems to me that we seldom have the luxury to choose one or the other. The use of a gift or the obligations we are daily called upon to perform. Believer or not, every artist/writer/musician has fought this same battle.

Balance. Balance pure and simple. (Okay, not simple.) Surely God would not want a believer to stifle the gifts He has given, anymore than He would want a preacher who has the gift of preaching to hold his tongue.

Children are a gift from the Lord. They are the only thing we can take to Heaven with us. At the same time, the God-given gift is not to be hidden, buried or lost. When we stand before the Lord, He will also ask how we used the gift He gave us.

So, that being said, I pray that God will give you opportunity, wisdom, patience, grace, peace, strength and love.

The fundamental question that you must answer is "What is God directing me to do?"

We are to be like Christ. As Christ came to do the will of His father, we too must do the will of God. We are the only ones who know what God has given us to do. No one can tell us what the will of God is for our lives. God Himself must reveal it to us.

Sometimes as we carry out God's will, others don't understand because it doesn't fit their expectations of what God requires. Sometimes, they can't believe that the task we have been given is something God would request. And even if we could give them solid proof, as Christ gave the disciples proof that He was the risen Lord, some would still refuse to believe that we are doing the will of our Father.

God has not called us to fit a human mold of sanctification, service and sacrifice. He has called us to have the mind of Christ. Christ humbled Himself to the will of His father, not to the will of man. He simple obeyed and often that obedience required sacrifice, but it was not a prescribed sacrifice that followed the Law but a divine sacrifice directed by God.

God alone asked Abraham to offer Isaac. That request went against everything that man knew to be true about Jehovah God and only Abraham knew exactly what God required. He could not explain it nor did he try. When Isaac asked him about the sacrifice, Abraham simply answered "God himself will provide a lamb." If Abraham had attempted to explain what was to happen, Isaac would never have believed that God would make such a request.

Our paths are mapped out by God alone. We follow His leading and answer His call. He directs our steps. He guides our thoughts. He opens and closes doors and leads us through or around them.

Let there be no struggle in your mind, no anxious self-doubt as you think upon God's direction in your life. Your path may go against all that your well-meaning Christian sister sees as God's will for women. But if your path has been cleared for you by the mighty hand of God, then you must follow it. We often quote the words "God's ways are not our ways" when we do not see clearly what God is doing. Perhaps we should reword them for those well meaning friends who question God's direction in our lives, "God's ways are not YOUR ways."

All this from a woman who has spent her entire married life working outside the home and knows that it was all part of God's plan for her.

Your post, your life, your gumption in truth, your beauty is inspiring to me. Your father's post to you is magnificent joy to me.

Thank you.

You are a friend of mine, so you know how I go, but my older life than yours perks up from my house to see that it's safe to go out. I am perked to awkward actions knowing that Grace has opened the door. I am not shoved, I am moved. Even if I go crying and with nothing to wear, even if I'm penniless and weary of solitude, even when I keep crying in tandem with the suffering of action and inaction--the puking after a ride. the regret of getting on. the regret of have stared, wondering "why do I stand at all in the face of such geometry? must I see it?? Must I???"

Yes. I must. Christ can. I will.

But I tell you, dearest Stephanie, I am afraid. Not of mediocrity, that matters just as much, smoking to show there's fire. I am afraid of trembling, being so close to the fire that consumption isn't an option. I am afraid of trembling here and there.

I will be old today, but nancyril everywhere, seeing that going however is a nearness to the Good of breath, the Good of gift, the Good of God's day. Again, you have helped open the door.

God bless you, God blesses. he has cried so ugly it's okay, lung-less, airless me, refusing, resisting, pressing my bags flat.

much love.

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