this is the part of the blog
where we pretend
we're in a poetry workshop
sort-of.
i have a sestina here
that i just turned in for class,
but it needs some work.
could i possibly know what you find
confusing/obtrusive/downright-bad/somewhat-mediocre/etc ?
perhaps that will help me tighten up my style/thoughts somewhat.
thanks!
ps sorry about the underscoring...
it's the only way i can get the lines to fall as i like them
those pre-formatted tags don't work too well in movable type!
After
After Grandma killed herself:
A field of three trees stronger
than my weird new-learned death-word
�overdose,� A field of smooth
grass soft enough for my face
to bury its eight-year-old prayers
in rich loam knowing grass-prayers
were treasured by God Himself,
A field of sky with a face
of blue to coax my stronger
will with wind-whispers in smooth
dance, And a field of Truth-Words
inside my soul.
______________After word
of Uncle's death-choice: grass-prayers
withered. A mountain of smooth
hard stones pressing joy from self
and leaving doubt-thoughts stronger
than three trees, A mountain's faces
prodding pushing me to face
echoes of trite comfort-words,
And a mountain of stronger
hope filling teenage prayers
sheltering a fragile self
in tabernacles of moss-smooth
creek-beds.
__________After strangers smoothed
over news they could not face,
news that Pastor killed himself:
A web of quick schedule-words
drowning thought driving out prayer
to make room for stronger
wills, A web of rules stronger
than my need for smooth
winds to steal back my grass-prayers,
And a web of classes faced
with yellow-brick walls and words
of blank credos forcing self
to a stronger public face
of smooth veneer, hiding words,
fear-prayers that kill the soul's self.